Sunday, January 17, 2010

HISTORY AND DEVELOPMENT OF MAGAZINES

Introduction


This topic will be able to tell us the significance of magazines to cultures, but most specially to the American culture. Magazine is one of the printed media that has the capacity to inform, entertain, and even persuade its readers. From this, we can gather that magazines have been journalistic, visual innovators. It became a source of infotainment as we can say for it has its significant impacts to its readers.

Nowadays, most newsrack magazines aim at narrow audience segments. On the other hand, sponsored magazines and trade journals outnumber newsrack magazines. Demassification of magazines as well has been an issue which will be tackled in lieu with this. Lastly, from this particular topic you will know the reasons why it has been said that magazines may be losing their influence in shaping the future.


What is a Magazine?


The word “magazine” meant warehouse or depository during the colonial times wherein various kinds of provisions have been stored in one roof. The first magazine in America came from books, pamphlets, newspapers and varied literary materials which were stored and bound together in one cover.

Magazines are publications, generally published on a regular schedule, containing a variety of articles, generally financed by advertising, by a purchase price, by pre-paid magazine subscriptions, or all three. It can also be distributed through the mail; through sales by newsstands, bookstores or other vendors; or through free distribution at selected pick up locations.


Short History of Magazines


Listed below are some of the people who contributed to the development of magazines. Also, the time line shows us how magazines evolved and influenced people worldwide. From this we can see how and when was the the first newsmagazine, men's magazine, journals, women's magazine, etc. had been published.


1741- Andrew Bradford printed American Magazine and Benjamin Franklin printed General Magazines, first magazines in Colonies.

1821-Saturday Evening Post was launched, ushering in era of general-interest magazines.

1828- Sara Josepha Hale began editing the Lady's Book, first women's magazine.

1860- Harper's Weekly introduced visual news with Civil War illustrations.

1879- Congress gave discount postal rates to magazines.

1899- Gilbert Grosvenor introduced photographs in National Geographic.

1902- Ida Tarbell wrote muckraking series on Standard Oil in McClure's.

1922- DeWitt and Lila Wallace founded Reader's Digest.

1923- Henry Luce and Briton founded Time, first newsmagazine.

1924- Harold Ross founded the New Yorker and introduced the modern personality profile.

1936- Henry Luce founded Life and coined the term photojournalism.

1960's- Oversize general magazines, including Life, folded as advertisers moved to network television.

1962- Hugh Hefner introduced modern question-answer format in Playboy.


Influence of Magazines


Magazines created change throughout history. Its effects to the American culture is its major impact that contributed to a sense of nationhood. Short stories and serialized novels created by the Americans way back then flowed from their experience had helped in establishing their national identity apart from others. It also paved its way in becoming a national advertising medium wherein it build national markets for everyone who wanted to introduce their products to the markets. Since then, they had gathered a massive magazine audience—wherein a lot of people became fond of reading articles from it. Even the illiterates had been given the leisure time just watching large and colorful visuals embedded in it. Some magazines had been edited for downscale audience. Furthermore, the massiveness of the audience makes the magazine an exceptionally competitive medium.


Magazines as Media Innovators


Magazines also led other media with significant innovations in the field of journalism, advertising, and circulation. It helped in the pursuance of investigative reporting, in-depth personality profiles as well as photojournalism.


Before, investigative reporting was called “muckraking” which was honed by magazines as a journalistic approach in the first years of the 20th century. It was Theodore Roosevelt, the reform president who coined the term. Muckraking established magazines as a powerful medium in shaping public policy. In 1902, Ida Tarbell wrote a 19-part series on the Standard Oil Monopoly for McClure's. Lincoln Steffens also detailed municipal corruption. Collier's took on patent medicine frauds. Cosmopolitan, the leading muckraking journal of the period, tackled dishonesty in the U.S. Senate.

Magazines simply became a tool to expose negative issues on some of government agencies. It became effective in telling and writing reports about hidden agenda and even outrageous events gathered from thorough investigations for public information. It was the magazine who had led the way for investigative reporting or muckraking.

On the other hand, the in-depth personality profile is also a magazine invention. It is wherein writers used multiple interviews with a range of sources—talking not only with the subject of the profile but with just everyone and anyone who could comment on the subject. It is somehow a question-and-answer portion in some of the magazines' pages—exposing some information about particular subjects such as celebrities and popular icons coming from different fields as of the present time. It was Harold Ross of New Yorker who had pushed writers for the realization of this idea which is new in journalism. Under Hugh Hefner, Playboy took the interview in new aspects in 1962 with in-depth profiles developed from a highly structured Q&A format.

In the area of photojournalism, it was the magazine who had brought visuals for the public. Photographs were added so that people will be able to see and picture out the story behind what was written on the articles from magazines. Life magazine brought American photojournalism to new importance in the 1930's. The oversize pages from the magazines gave new intensity to photographs, and the magazine, a weekly, demonstrated that newsworthy events could be covered consistently by cameras.


Consumer Magazines


There are lots of magazines for general-interests and they are called consumer magazines. These magazines are available in newsracks and by subscription. They try to offer something for most of its readers, but they have target audiences and are edited for narrower purposes as well. We have the circulation leaders, newsmagazines, newspaper supplements, women's magazines, and men's magazine swhich are under consumer magazines.

An example of a circular leader magazine is the Reader's Digest which is usually considered to have the largest circulation of any U.S. Magazine, selling 15.1 million copies a month. It stems from its attempt to serve a true mass audience, its easy-to-read articles cut across divisions of age, gender, occupation and geography. Some magazines have narrower focus, such as Motor Trend for automobile enthusiasts, Family Circle for homemakers. A few, including newsmagazines, deal with subjects of general interest. BUT, one thing that consumer magazines have in common and that is its heavy reliance on advertising.

Newsmagazines are different from newspapers because they were never up to date. They were just compilations or summaries of news by categories such as national affairs, sports and business. Example of it is the Time, the magazine had the tone of a single, knowledgeable, authoritative individual recapping the week's events and issues. Other copycats are Newsweek, U.S. News and World Report , and the supermarket tabloid National Enquirer.

The newspaper supplements are independently produced supplements that newspapers buy and stuff inside their weekend editions. They are designed for general family reading and have built-in advantages over other magazines and readers neither subscribe nor buy them directly. The supplements need only convince a newspaper to carry them, and they have instant circulation. Examples of newspaper supplements are Parade and USA Weekend.

Then, the women's magazines are magazines which highlights and uplift womanhood. It talks about fashions, morals, tastes, health, sewing, cooking and lifestyles of every women. Also, this would help men understand the essence of each and every women in the society, to be able to know their likes and dislikes, and most of all the significant roles it portrays. Lady's Magazine was the first U.S. Magazine edited to interest only a portion of the mass audience, but otherwise to be of general interest. It later became Godey's Lady's Book. Sarah Josepha Hale helped start a magazine in 1828 to uplift and glorify womanhood. Godey's tradition is maintained today in seven competing magazines known as the Seven Sisters: Better Homes & Gardens, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping, Ladies' Home Journal, McCall's, Redbook and Woman's Day. Each sister can be distinguished from her siblings, there is a thematic connection: concern for home, family and quality living from a traditional woman's perspective. An eight sister is Cosmopolitan, although more apply to its distant cousin. It geared itself for a subcategory of women readers--young, married and working. Other women's magazines are the following: Elle focusing on fashion, Playgirl with its soft pornography, Essence for black women, Seventeen for teenage girls, and Self for women of the “me generation”.

Last but not the least are the men's magazines which are of course designed and made for men. It is for every man in town, the topics embedded on it are for them that will best suit their interests. Nevertheless, girls can also read such stuffs for them to know the different personalities and aspects of men. Example of it is the Playboy having its lusty tone , Esquire ( the first classy men's magazine), and Penthouse. BUT not all men's magazines talked more about sex. The outdoor life exalted in Field & Stream, whose circulation tops 2M. Fix it magazines, led by Popular Science and Popular Mechanics, have a steady following.


Non-newsrack magazines


Non-newsrack magazines are made by certain groups or organizations for their members and for specific purposes as well. They are categorized as to sponsored magazines and trade journals.


Sponsored magazines are mostly magazines that carry advertisements and are self-sufficient. They are made by a particular organization to promote society and build membership among them. This is to encourage people to support them and of course use the dues to finance the group's research and expedition. Example of an organization is the National Geographic Society which created Geographic, the most recognized sponsored magazine in the nation. However, there are other sponsored magazines which do not seek advertising. These include many university magazines, which are considered something that a university should publish as an institutional expense to disseminate information about research and scholarly activities, not incidentally, to promote itself. Other sponsored magazines that typically do not carry advertising include publications of union members, in-house publications of employees, and company publications for customers.

Trade journals are made for trading or business purposes and are profit-based as well. Those people who want to be well updated of what is happening in their chosen field and profession most likely have this kind of magazine. Trade journals are essential reading for people in the industry and example of this is the Billboard magazine. Like consumer magazines, the “trades” rely mostly on advertising for their income and profits. Many trade magazines are parts of companies that produce related publications, some with overlapping staffs.

However, trade magazines are criticized because some of it are loaded with puffery exalting their advertisers and industries. These trades tend to be no more than boosters of the industries they pretend to cover. An example is when the America's Textile Reporter promoted the textile industry from a management perspective. Many trade magazines persist today in pandering to their trades, professions and industries, rather than approaching their subjects with journalistic truth-seeking and truth-telling.


Magazine Demassification


The Magazine had reached its peak when it was considered as its heyday. It was able to gather massive audiences—informing, persuading, and entertaining the public in various ways. Some magazines became well-known throughout the world and created change in the field of mass media. It became a part of many innovations throughout history. Millions of publications were made and lots of people had been fond of reading it. Magazines once were epitomized by Life. Henry Luce used the fortune he amassed from Time to launch Life in 1936. He had planned on an initial circulation of 250,000 but right away it was 500,000. Life was within the reach of almost everyone. It had daring—flamboyant photography that seemed to jump off huge, oversize pages. The term “photo essay” was a Life creation. Imitators followed. Look, introduced in 1937, was a knockoff in the same oversize dimension in Life. The historic Saturday Evening Post and Collier's were revamped as oversize magazines then.

However as time passes by, competitors evolved. The high-flying, oversize, massive magazine audiences decreased because of the assaults from television. Some magazine companies were bankrupt and was not able to capitalize that it suddenly had less competition. Even the most popular magazine way back then which was Life ran out of business. Advertisers shifted to television it is because for less, they could have one minute of network television and reach far more potential viewers—considering less time and effort. Unlike magazines which would take a long span of time to publish its write-ups and advertisements. And before, it is less expensive to advertise something for television compared to magazines that is why most advertisers had chosen television.

With the demise of Life, doomsayers predicted that magazines were a dying media. Today, relatively few magazines seek a truly mass audience. Special-interest magazines, whose content focused on limited subjects and whose advertising rates were lower, fit the bill better than either television or the giant mass audience for reaching customers with special interests. Among new magazines that emerged with the demassification in the 1960s were regional and city magazines, offering a geographically defined audience. This indeed is the time when magazines tuned down and had chosen a narrower focus for continuation. However, Norman Cousins, once editor of the high-brow Saturday Review and Literature, criticized demassified magazines for betraying their traditional role of enriching the culture. He said that specialization had diluted the intellectual role of magazines in the society. Scholar Dennis Holder put this “unholy alliance” of advertisers and readers this way. Cousins and Holder were right that most consumer magazines today tend to a frothy mix of light, upbeat features, with little that is thoughtful or hard-hitting. Profitability for most magazines and their advertisers is locked into providing information their target audiences are interested in rather than serving an indefinable “public interest”. Demassified magazines are edited to target selected audiences and thereby attract advertisers, make no pretense of broadening their readers' understanding of substantive issues by exploring diverse perspectives.

An ominous sign for magazines is the cable television industry which is eating into magazine advertising with an array of demassified channels. The demassified cable channels such as ESPN (sports channel) and CNBC (financial news network) are picking up advertisers that once used magazines almost exclusively to reach new slices of the mass audience with a presumed interest in their products and services. Another drain on magazine revenue is the growth of direct-mailing advertising. There had been many competitors that had risen and of course these surpassed magazines which was before on the its peak of success. New media technologies evolved which affects on the continuation of this particular print media.

Consumer and trade magazines adapted quickly to digital delivery in the late 1990s with World Wide Web editions. Time Warner created a massive web site, Pathfinder, for Time, Sports Illustrated, People and its other magazines. There were hopes that advertisers would flock to online magazine sites and make them profitable, but ad revenue only trickled in.


Report Wrap-up


Ever since, magazines became an effective tool for disseminating information. It was able to establish its role in shaping one's culture and society especially the American culture. It brought out lots of changes in the field of media industry. It open up many opportunities for some advertisers to introduce their products—informing, entertaining and persuading the public about it. Massive audience were gathered due to its fast publications before. People were so fond of reading it. Different magazines tried to reach up the public's general interest, however later on focused on a narrower one. As time passed by competitors arrived, and unlike before, magazines became demassified today.











Friday, December 11, 2009

BOOKS... BOOKS... BOOKS!



As we all know, books take us to different places. They even sharpen our senses and allow us to be more observant on the things around us. It teaches us moral lessons, give us lots of information and trivia, and we can gain further insights about many things. We can get quotable quotes that will inspire us and stories that will entertain us as well... Even the deepest ideas could be ventured by our neophyte minds ones we touch edges of those writers' minds.


Here are some books worth burrowing your nose into:

1.Les Miserables by Victor Hugo. This is an epical story of the human spirit fighting against poverty, oppression, revolt and even love amidst war.

2.To Kill A Mocking Bird by Harper Lee. This is all about a lawyer who tried to defend a black person during the time when African Americans were considered as slaves.

3.The Little Prince by Antoine de St. Exupery. A children's book worth reading by adults too.

4.The Notebook by Nicholas Sparks. This might sound sloppy but nobody ever read this book who did not shed a tear or two. A love story beyond dementia.

5.The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown. Okay, your friends might wonder why you'll consider this as a good read but it would surely give you sleepless nights.


Alright, this is not to dictate you what you read. You just read anything. Try whatever books you want to have, as long as you like its content and you do really enjoy every thing about it. Reading takes a lot of your time, it's an investment. We need smart people in this world full of non-readers!




More... More... More about Books!

Wait! Let me share something about this book which was my favorite during my elementary to high school days. Whenever I have my vacant time, you can find me reading this book in the library or even at home just to lessen my boredom.

Have you heard some of Carolyn Keene's mystery stories? If yes, do you find them interesting?

Way back then, I was a fan of Nancy Drew. I've read many stories and detective escapades of hers. I was amazed about her sleuthing. The author, Miss Keene, has a very wide imagination because she was able to create this character and was able to come up with a very good craft and write such breathtaking plots.

Nancy Drew is an 18 year old gal. Her father is a lawyer. At a very young age she had already solved 56 cases. Whew! She is very astute and is really brave. She dares to do anything in order to help and reach out others. Bess and George are her very best friends. They had been very supportive to Nancy's endeavors. In every adventure, they're always there for Nancy.

Danger lurks in every situation but Nancy's unafraid to take any challenges. She had gone to many places just to unravel some intricate puzzles. Because she is smart, talented, and courages she was able to solve lots of mysterious cases. She became well-known to others because of her sleuthing, and was able to help her father in some of his cases.

Nancy Drew is a good example to all the girls out there. She ALSO inspired me to never give up in any situation no matter how difficult and tricky it might be.

So, why not follow Nancy Drew? She is not more of a pretty face but she has the guts, the brain, and the talents to use and be proud of.

Match wits with this super sleuth and be the next Best Detective!

Thursday, December 10, 2009

WHAT MY FAVORITE MAG SAYS ABOUT ME...



I am just one of the many teenagers who is fond of reading magazines that best suits my interests. Magazines are a good source of information, a tool for advertising the latest trends of this new generation. One of my favorite magazines is the Candy magazine. Have you ever heard about it? Well, let me tell you more about this teen stuff.


Candy is every teen girl's best friend. It informs the growing individuals how to pamper one's self, advices lots of things starting from fashion, beauty, lifestyle and even about boys. This magazine is for the Filipino youth.


Candy Magazine's first issue was published on February, 1999, with its first celebrity cover, Anne Curtis. Every topics embedded on the magazine truly reflects the latest interests and tastes of every high school and college students. It encourages them to become confident, stylish, creative, intelligent, and even competitive in whichever field they would choose.


Candy Magazine is the most read teen magazine here in the Philippines. Most teenagers would buy the latest issue to be updated on what is happening around us, to be aware on the newest looks for this generation, to know the hottest boys in town and a whole lot more!


As a teenager, I would love to take a look or grab even just one issue about Candy. I want to read some guidelines written about life, love, and relationships! There are also many quotable quotations in it that inspires me how to cope up every bit of life's difficult challenges.


There are lots of things that are very much interesting to read about in Candy's latest editions. Every month, there had been many changes, improvements, and more information tackled and shared for the benefit of its teenage readers. Articles related to fashion, beauty, lifestyle, and inspirational stories were my favorite sections. I love reading more about it.


One of my favorite sections in the magazine is sharing the life of a particular celebrity who had been successful in his/her chosen career. As a student, I had been dreaming to achieve my goals and aspirations in life. I like to read a certain topic on how to pursue one's dreams in life. I am inspired by such achievements, and the path he/she had undergone, the ways he/she had gone through in order to get what he/she had ever wanted. These things written in the magazine encourages me to push through life and never limit myself—that is why I am the kind of person who will never settle for less. Mediocrity should never be a part of one's life. I quoted this motto from a very successful celebrity, and it is to “ Seize the day!' This means that we don't have to forget to enjoy and we need to grab every opportunity that may come along the way because we might never pass this path again.


On the other hand, I had this passion for education. Ever since, I always wanted to finish a degree in college so that I will be able to make my parent's proud, to land a good job, and earn a living in order to have a brighter future. Candy magazine had these advices on how am I going to ace my academics. It is up to me to stay focus and be able to finish whatever tasks assigned despite juggling school responsibilities. Working hard and taking initiatives, I admit would be my greatest tools in order to pursue my education.


Candy had shown me how to value my friends and families. My family and friends had always been there for me in times of difficulties—lending me helping hands when I needed them. They are essential to my well being, for without them I would not be here right now. Setting priorities straight and keeping my values intact is important for me. Such articles from Candy had always been a good source of information to boost up my confidence and show off my true self to each and every person. My undying passion for life and love for God had kept me abreast for a very long time, these had been my shield and strength to move on and live life to the fullest.


I am this kind of person who loves to read more about inspirational people and events discussed in the Candy's section. I know this will help me to become a better individual. I believe that through this, I will be gaining something out of the ordinary—to be a good daughter to my parents, responsible sister to my siblings, a true friend in which my friend can count on anytime, a diligent student in class, and most of all a well-rounded person.


I am not the so-called fashionista type of girl. Every time I flip on the pages about the latest fashion styles, all I only do is just take a sudden look at the new dresses, shoes, slippers, bags, and other accessories presented. Taking a glimpse on the cool and glittery girl gears is fun, I enjoyed watching pictures of the beautiful models wearing those fabulous wears and great fashion finds. However, I am not the one who will do anything just to have one of it or follow the newest tough-chic trends and fashion statements. Although I admire and like those dresses and other girly stuffs, I do not wear like that. I prefer simple ones, in which I feel comfortable wearing that kind of dress. I used to wear jeans or long skirts, shirts, with matching cute slippers or flats whenever I go to school and church or hang-out with friends. The reason why I do not wear much of this kind of dresses is that I was raised by a very conservative family. I got used of wearing these simple dresses, and I think I look good at it.


But, Candy gave me more insights and that I need and should give a try using and wearing these trendy stuffs. Since I am now in college, maybe somehow or whenever I have enough allowance I will be able to buy these kind of things for a change and have a new look. Or possibly, I will start wearing those by next year, because I will be 18 that time. Haha! Anyway, I certainly enjoyed reading more about it in Candy.


Also, I am pretty sure that most of the young generations nowadays have these beauty problems. But hey! Candy magazine had been giving such beauty secrets in order to maintain that pretty face. In some of its pages you will notice such endorsements about beauty products such as facial cleansers, perfumes, kikay kits, shampoos, soaps, make-ups, etc. that will clean skin gently, reveal that fair complexion, and maintain that beautiful face and body. As for me, I sometimes follow some of their beauty tips. Example is “How do I make my hair grow longer?”, “How will I solve such acne and pimple problems?”. Candy mag is on its way to share their ideas on how to solve these problems and listed down tips for that. Some of the teenage girls just like me are surely inspired to follow their advices to maintain that good-looking skin and face. Physical appearance is also important to feel more comfortable and to enhance one's self-confidence while mingling with others.


School works and exams are on parade every now and then. As a college student in the University of the Philippines, it has been very hard for me. There had been countless sleepless nights just to make paper works, reports, projects, and so on, in order to pass on time. I had been craving for excellence to maintain its standards, I study and review in preparation for quizzes as well. You know, being a student in this said institution is not that easy—it pressures me that much. My second year in college became more difficult because I am facing lots of major subjects related to communication, since I am taking up Bachelor of Arts in Communication Arts. Nevertheless, reading Candy mags gave me that time for leisure and advised me to take a break even just for a while. It reminds me to live a very healthy life and beat stress with their treats for mind, body and soul! They had these mini treats, endorsed food and drinks, bite-sized delights, and exercises in order to relieve from stress and all days of hard works. It helped a lot even for me. Thus, I and other teenagers should surely relax and try some of the stress busters shared by Candy.


Moving on, I am an avid fan of some of the new Hollywood stars, pop icons, artists, singers, and even some of our local celebrities. I also like some of the latest bands here in town and new shows that had been aired. Candy got it all! Lots of pictures about my favorites were featured in here. Personal profiles, interviews, latest information about gigs and happenings in lieu with these were all here. So, what more can I ask for? Everything I like about were all set in Candy, that is why I always find time to grab even just one copy of this magazine. So that I will become updated on the current talk of the town and hottest issues.


I also like Candy magazine because it had been an inspiration to some of the teenagers who had been on relationships as of the moment. Candy had set proper guidelines on how to handle relationships with boys. Example of an article is “Skipping Heartbreak”, this is an every girl's guide in order to guard one's heart and in order to choose properly the right guy to be with. Some of the do's and don'ts were written on a particular page in Candy. These had been an essential tool to guide teenagers correctly—just like me.


“Well, as of now I better focus my attention first on my studies unmindful of those issues about boys.” *laughs!

However, as a teenager we could never skip this stage wherein we are very much aggressive to try different things and experiment other stuffs. Certainly, we need to be aware and responsible on whatever decisions we make—and that I should be as well.


I am not the only one who had been a fan of reading Candy magazines. Every corner you can see a variety of gals who had been considered as a true-blue Candy girl. Many lives had been changed by this magazine. Some fans had been sending letters to the editor about how this particular mag changed their styles—making them matured and responsible enough. Lots of confessions about girls—sharing experiences from younger days to their adulthood were exposed in here.

Listed below are some of the confessions of the different Candy girls:

"The biggest lesson I've learned from Candy is that fixing my imperfections won't make me perfect. I should learn to improve my strengths instead of dwelling on my flaws."

Jeselle Villegas, 19, Assumption College

"We all need a little help sometimes, and there's nothing better than having the best-est friend you'll ever have to help you out. That's why I'm thankful that Candy has always been around."

Cre Marin, 17, University of the Philippines-Manila

"The best thing about being a Candy girl is knowing that you're beautiful inside and out, and being an inspiration to others."

Mars Salazar, 18, University of the Philippines-Diliman

"You should never be too scared to reach for your dreams because you are often far better than you give yourself credit for."

Leslie Lipa, 19, Ateneo de Manila University


See! There are many girls out there who had been influenced much by Candy, so do I. It became their inspiration to move onwards and enjoy life while still young. For me, all I can say is just this:

“Candy magazine is a powerful tool that influenced a lot of youngsters, it taught us many lessons in life, equipping us new learnings and ideas to reach our goals and know ourselves better.”

I learned many things while reading the magazine. Even if its price turned out to be P95 as of the moment—I would still be very much willing to buy it whenever I have extra money. It's worth reading for. You'll never get tired of reading fresh and new articles that may suit one's interests as of the moment. It is very interesting. It made me realize that life after all is beautiful despite failures and problems, I don't need to be anxious about growing up, and that I need to have fun while still young because time flies so fast. I don't wanna miss the precious moments of being a teenager. Yeah even a single bit of it!



So, what does my favorite mag says about me?



You already knew it. . .:)







Monday, November 23, 2009

wacky jokes :)

i had searched these jokes from the internet. (i was kinda bored by that time)


try reading it...you'll gonna laugh! hahahahaha.:)))))--see. . . i am too!

JOKES  

MAre1: mare, pede ba d2 muna ako sa inyo, lumayas kasi ako sa min dahil buntis ako!
Mare2: dapat dun ka sa nakabuntis sayo pumunta.
Mare1: Kaya nga dto ako pumunta eh. anjan ba si pare?



Aso1: pare sabi nila ang laway daw natin ay may rabies! at ang rabies daw nakakamatay!!
Aso2: tapos anu problema?
Aso1: nalunok ko kasi eh, knakabahan talaga ako!!!:(



Anak: nay ang galing ng teacher ko
Nay: bat naman?
Anak: tinuruan kami ng magandang asal
nay: e di marunong ka na gumalang at mag-po at opo?
Anak: Natural!! tanga ka ba?



Girl: uy ang ganda ng ngipin mo ah parang exams..
Boy: huh?? bat naman?
Girl: one seat apart..:P
bwahaha



Erap was asked by a gradeschooler to test his english ability.
Kids : Use Deduct, Defense, Detail & Defeat in a sentence.
Erap: (after 15 minutes of silence) DEDUCT jumped over DEFENSE,
DEFEAT first, then DETAIL!!


Anak: Itay baksak ako sa English recitation!
Tatay: Bakit, ano ba tanong?
Anak: Ano daw ba ang definition ng effort?
Tatay: Anak ano ka ba? ang b**o m o naman effort lang 'di mo pa alam... ang effort ay 'yong nilalandingan ng eroplano!


Use KITCHEN and CURTAIN in a sentence.
...Wag mo akong CURTAIN masa KITCHEN.


Use CONTEMPLATE in a sentence.
...Pare, ang dami-daming pagkain,
pero, ko-CONTEMPLATE.


Use CADET in a sentence.
...CADET ko si Maria nung isang gabi.
Ngayon, ikaw naman ang
CADET niya.


Pasyente: Doc takot ako sa bunot eh!
Dentista: Heto gamot pampalakas ng loob.
Pasyente: (uminom ng gamot)
Dentista: Matapang ka na ba?
Pasyente: Oo doc, 'pag may gumalaw sa ngipin ko gugulpihin ko!


Kulas: Miss, isa ngang siopao, 'yong babae.
Waitress: Babaeng siopao???
Kulas: Oo! 'Yong may papel na sapin. Kumbaga, napkin!
Waitress: Ahh! Ganun po ba? Lalaki po ang nandito.
Kulas: Lalaki??????
Waitress: May itlog po sa loob.


Girl: Dinner kami ng bf ko kagabi. Impressed ako,
ang laki ng resto, dami ng choices.
Girl2: Ows? Ano pangalan?
Girl1: Food Court.


Horoscope
GF: Bhe, ano ung horoscope mo?
BF: Ano 'yong horoscope?
GF: Halimbawa 'yong sa akin cancer.
BF: Ah, 'yong sa akin almuranas.


Manghuhula: Sorry Misis, but your husband will meet a violent death.
Wife: Alam ko po 'yon, ang gusto kong malaman kung maaabsuelto ba ako??


Mga klase ng gatas ng babae ayon sa research...
Dalagita: fresh milk
Dalaga: pasteurized
Bagong Kasal: skimmed
Matagal ng Kasal: yogurt
Matandang dalaga: taho
Lola: tokwa


Hugis Ng Mundo
Titser: Ano ang hugis ng mundo?
Juan: Kuwadrado po, ma’am!
Titser: Hindi! Ang mundo ay bilog.
Juan: Pero ma’am, sabi ng lolo ko, narating na niya ang APAT na sulok ng mundo. May sulok po ba ang bilog?


Wife: Maghiwalay na tayo!
Husband: Ok,akin ang bahay!
Wife: Akin ang farm!
Husband: Akin ang kotse!
Wife: Ah! Pero, akin driver!
Husband: Pwes! Magkakamatayan tayo, MATAGAL NA SIYANG AKIN!


Mrs: Hoy! Tama na yang beer mo masyado ka magastos!
Mr: Ikaw make-up mo ang magastos!
Mrs: Nagpapaganda ako para syo!
Mr: Ako umiinom naman para gumanda ka!


Pedro: Ba't ka malungkot,pre'?
Juan: Ang asawa ko, nag-hire ng driver, gwapo, bata at macho.
Pedro: Ba't nagseselos ka??
Juan: NAGTATAKA LANG AKO, KASI WALA NAMAN KAMING SASAKYAN EH!!!!


did you enjoy it?? hmm. well i bet you did! ahahaha. LOL.


hunghong sa yuta (the earth's whisper)

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